i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize