Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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