I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I will pee on everything he values.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
