just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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