turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
