guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
