I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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