adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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