sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
