At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
