I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
