If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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