quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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