it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
