I hate your face
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
