I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
