Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
