My first STD was from a foam party
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
