Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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