last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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