You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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