On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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