Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
