why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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