time to smoke my breakfast
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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