Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
