shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
