I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
