i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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