I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
