So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
