I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
