dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
