First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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