I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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