I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just had sex on a roof
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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