dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
