from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
