my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
