watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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