we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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