I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
