If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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