So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Houston, we have a squirter
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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