I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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