just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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