What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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