Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
