Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
