I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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