He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
