you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
