I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
