so explain again why im purple
no
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
