My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
