I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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