oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I love you. Go after that dick
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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