dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
