Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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