do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
