dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I fill condoms, not promises.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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