So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
