My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
