why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
