You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
