i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
