i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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